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My Warning Label for Native Speakers

19 Sep Posted by in Expat Emotions, Language | Comments
My Warning Label for Native Speakers
I am fortunate to live in an extremely supportive neighborhood.
And I think most neighbors realize that my German language skills vary per day.

But I was thinking that perhaps it might be easier if I could somehow warn them in advance when I am having a rough Deutsch speaking day.

Much like a name tag when meeting new people, here is my solution to also forewarning strangers of the soon to be massacre of their native tongue escaping my non-native lips.

I think I should just constantly wear a sign… in fact, why not just make a t-shirt that says, “Mein Deutsch is Heute…”

And then a space below for a removable, Velcro tag I can interchange daily.

Translation: My German language skills today are…
a) Gut
b) Ganz Gut
c) Schlecht
d) Ganz Schlecht
e) Nichts, null, ich kann NICHTS sagen, ich verstehe kein Deutsch

This would prepare people to expect:
1) Gut = Slight Confusion
2) Ganz Gut = Mild Confusion
3) Schlecht = Total and utter chaos
4) Ganz Schlecht = Mind-altering, bitch-filled frustration in two languages
5) NICHTS = Please don’t f*cking talk to me unless every word out of your mouth is going to be English

The warning label underneath would read:
*Warning: I cannot guarantee that above status will change within the next second, minute, day, let alone week and is in no way correlated to my menstrual cycle.

Best of luck… to the both of us!


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